As for biographical information, there is none. Even I have trouble working up any real interest in the subject. You wouldn’t think that would be the case; most people find themselves endlessly fascinating, for reasons that I don’t really fathom at the moment; there are few things in the world that will put the most devoted insomniac to sleep faster than listening to Bob down in sales tell you about how he managed to sell a year’s supply of widgets to damn near every dyslexic dwarf in Paducah, Kentucky. But there you have it, or rather, there you don’t have it. I would have preferred calling myself Anonymous, but I understand someone’s already taken that name, and since Nikolai Gogol is no longer in a position to protest my swiping his hero’s name and persona, Akaky will do.